


and i am here

by Deanon



Category: SAKANA
Genre: Drinking, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-07
Updated: 2013-02-07
Packaged: 2017-11-28 13:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/674794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deanon/pseuds/Deanon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'No,' Yuudai thought. 'No, I have to go home and feed my cat and sit alone in my living room, because that is what I do and that is far less likely to end in chaos and pain.'</p><p>(In which Yuudai does not sit alone in his living room, and it ends in chaos and pain and maybe, possibly, some other things, too.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	and i am here

“So,” Yuudai said, staring resolutely ahead into the stall across from his to keep from looking at Taisei (who was leaning against the side of the register, as usual, flaunting the rules, as usual).

Taisei looked up from his phone, where he had been furious texting. “So what?” he said cheerfully, turning his full and complete attention on Yuudai. Yuudai wilted. Taisei’s full and complete attention was a _lot_ of attention.

“So are you,” Yuudai managed to get out, and then choked. His face was burning. _Why was he doing this_. “Are you. Uh. You know.”

“Am I what?” Taisei asked. “Oh, is this going to be another one of our guessing games? Because I’m pretty good at those. Am I free tomorrow? I’m not, I actually have work, but I’m going drinking later that night and you can totally come with me if you want to! Am I Jiro’s best friend because _yes I totally am_ – “

“ _Are you_ g….ay.” Yuudai’s shriek faded into a whisper at the end as his desire to _make Taisei stop_ was overruled by his crippling embarrassment. “I mean, um – “

“Not really!” Taisei exclaimed, and Yuudai cut himself off to try to desperately school his expression into something that didn’t look like disappointment. “For some reason I get that question a lot? I’m really not! I mean, I do like girls.”

Yuudai opened his mouth to say _yes okay you can stop, I get it, question answered_ , when Taisei continued, “But I could like guys sometimes, I guess? It’s not like I’m that picky, I like a lot of people! I guess just not a lot of them end up liking _me_ after a while, and a lot fewer guys like me than girls.”

Heat was searing through Yuudai’s face. He was staring at Taisei in shock (and maybe relief?), but Taisei was suddenly distracted by his phone again, and his attention turned fully back to that, as he mumbled “Jiro!” under his breath.

“Right,” Yuudai said, completely unnoticed by Taisei.  “Right, I, uh.” He went back to staring at the stall across the hall, trying to ignore Taisei again.

“That was the question you wanted to ask, right?” Taisei asked, tucking his phone back into his pocket. “Sorry, I could have heard you wrong that happens sometimes – “

“Yes,” Yuudai snapped, mostly to stop Taisei’s rant. “Yes, that is. What.” He cleared his throat, annoyance and embarrassment and nervousness and _god help him_ affection making him feel a little bit physically nauseous. “What are you even doing here?” he said instead.

“Oh, didn’t I tell you?” Taisei exclaimed with a bright smile. (Which, no, he hadn’t, and Yuudai wasn’t sure how Taisei had somehow managed to lurk outside their stall for almost 20 minutes without Yuudai demanding an explanation.) Taisei’s voice dropped conspiratorially and he leaned in close to Yuudai. Goosebumps ran up and down Yuudai’s arms. “Jiro’s going to stop by the apartment with Chie, and he doesn’t want Taro _anywhere near_ Chie right now. Taro can get pretty protective, you know!”

“Yes,” Yuudai said, and to his embarrassment he had matched Taisei’s lowered voice, as though they were standing there sharing _secrets_. He was _working_ , for god’s sake. He cleared his throat and raised his voice again. “Yes, I know.” He'd had a black eye or two to testify to how  _protective_ Taro could be.

“So Jiro sent me to distract Taro!” Taisei exclaimed, _just barely_ quiet enough to keep Taro from hearing in the back of the booth. “I’m going to take him out drinking or something once you guys close up. Hey, do you want to come with us?”

 _No,_ Yuudai’s mind said, _no, I do not, I have to go home and feed my cat and sit alone in my living room because that is what I do and that is far less likely to end in chaos and pain_.

“Yeah, sure, I guess” Yuudai’s mouth said.

 

 

And Taisei _beamed_ at him, and Yuudai found that even as his stomach sank in dread, he didn’t have the will to take it back.

* * *

“I hate him,” Yuudai said. Probably. What his mind wanted to say and what his mouth was saying seemed to be two completely different things, but he was _pretty sure_ that that much had come out right. “I hate him so much.”

“I really don’t care,” Taro said. He was looking at Yuudai with something that Yuudai couldn’t quite identify, but which might have been… disdain? That seemed likely. “I never thought you’d be a sad drunk.”

“I’m _not_ ,” Yuudai insisted. “Sad. I hate him.”

“Look, Taisei does this every time we’re out,” Taro said, taking another swig of beer, probably to distract himself from how pathetic Yuudai was. “He chats up the waitress about why tips are economically efficient and the West has the right idea, and then freaks out about how great her earrings are, and she decides that he’s either gay or crazy or both, and then he comes stumbling back here. It’s not – it’s _fine_.”

“I hate him,” Yuudai said, which was the only thing that really made sense right now. That, and the fact that Taisei was over there, flailing his too-long limbs in the direction of their very pretty (he guessed) waitress. And not. …Over here.

“I’m going to go tell him how much I hate him,” Yuudai decided, because it was taking way too long for Taisei to lose interest in the waitress and Yuudai felt that this couldn’t wait.

“You are not going anywhere,” Taro said. “Sit back down, asshole.” He tugged Yuudai back into the seat, which made Yuudai’s alcohol-loose muscles all tense at once.

“Don’t touch me,” he snapped. “I’m – fine. I’m fine.” He got up again, and Taro, though clearly reluctant, did not grab him again.

Making his way over to Taisei wasn’t as hard as he expected it to be, and suddenly he was in front of Taisei, although the taller man had not noticed him yet. He scowled up at him, and then said, “I hate you.”

“Huh?” Taisei looked down, noticing him for the first time. A huge smile split his face, his attention shifting entirely from the waitress. “Yuudai!” He flopped down onto Yuudai, making Yuudai cringe, although his embarrassment was tempered a lot by the alcohol already in his system. “Why are you over here, Yuudai?”

“I hate you,” Yuudai said into Taisei’s shoulder.

“Whaaaat?” Taisei pulled back to frown at Yuudai, his eyes going unfocused at how close Yuudai’s face was. “No, whyyy?”

Yuudai groaned and dropped his face back into Taisei’s shoulder. “I hate you so much,” he said, feeling distantly as though he should care a lot more than he did about all this physical contact nonsense.

“Hey!” Yuudai jumped at the familiar voice from a few feet away. “Why don’t you idiots come back over here?”

As Yuudai was moving to glare at Taro from around Taisei, he found Taisei suddenly moving out of the way, bounding back over to the table with a cry of “Taroo! Taro, Sayaka-the-waitress had the best necklace on and I was going to tell her but then _Yuudai_ showed up!”

Yuudai followed (half-stumbled) back to the booth and slid in behind Taisei, just in time for Taisei to finish saying, “But then Yuudai said he hated me and – And why would Yuudai hate me?”

“Good question,” Taro said, looking like he regretted ever agreeing to this outing.

“Why do you hate me, Yuudai?” Taisei asked in a low whine, leaning way too far into Yuudai’s personal space. Yuudai leaned out of the booth again, trying to get Taisei’s _face_ to not be quite so close to _his face_. “Whyyyy do you hate me?”

“Because – you,” Yuudai said. Alcohol wasn’t making this any easier (but it was keeping him in the booth, with Taisei in his personal bubble, keeping the nervous-embarrassment in his stomach down to a low burn.) “You’re not gay,” he said, and wanted to clap his hand over his mouth but didn’t quite make it. His eyes went wide.

“Awww,” Taisei said, as though this were a perfect normal reason to hate someone. (Across the table, Taro said, “You’re not - what?”). “But I’m not – “ He frowned, as though this were very difficult. “I’m not _not_ gay, though!” He gestured vaguely, his hands nearly knocking the glasses still on the table over. “I’m – I’m person-gay. I’m gay for people!”

“Oh,” Yuudai said, as though this made sense, although it didn't. Taisei was leaning in very close to him, examining, as though there were something about Yuudai that he was just on the _brink_ of figuring out, and it was even more distracting than way his thoughts were spinning. “That’s. Uh.”

Taisei was so far into Yuudai’s space it was ridiculous. His face took up most of Yuudai’s vision, swimming slightly in a haze of alcohol. He gave a sleepy smile, seemingly distracted from his examination. “You have pretty eyes, Yuudai,” Taisei mumbled.

Even drunk, Yuudai felt his face burn at that. “I-aaaaaaaah.” After another moment of staring at Taisei’s face, Yuudai remembered what he had been talking about. “I, uh,” he mumbled. “I guess I didn't, really, uh.” Taisei had really… intense eyes. Brown-black and wide and tying Yuudai’s stomach in knots even when they were hazy with alcohol. “I might not hate you.”

Suddenly, Taisei perked up. “You don’t hate me?” He said. “You DON’T? I’m so happy!”

“Don’t TOUCH me,” Yuudai whined, as Taisei draped himself over Yuudai again.

“I’m still here,” Taro slurred irritably from across the table.

“Yuudai doesn’t hate me,” Taisei said into Yuudai’s hair. “I’m so happy becuse I, I really like Yuudai!”

“Meeeugh get _off_ of me,” Yuudai snapped, shoving at Taisei and successfully managing to move him by sheer force of will. Taisei tumbled back into the booth and smiled dopily at Yuudai, unbothered by everything.

“Yuudai likes me,” Taisei told the table in general. He beamed. “Yuudai LIKES me!” He exclaimed. A couple nearby tables turned to glance at them before respectfully looking away again.

“Shut _up_ ,” Yuudai snapped, at the same time as Taro said, “I’m leaving.”

“Whaaaa?” Taisei slurred, still mostly draped over Yuudai. “Why?”

“Because – I’m not – I don’t need to see this!” Taro exclaimed, waving an arm to encompass their entire half of the booth.  “You two can enjoy yourselves, I’m heading back.”

“Fine, asshole,” Yuudai snapped. Taisei whined something that sounded like ‘Noooootaro’ into his hair, but Taro was already walking away, and Yuudai said, helpfully, “I don’t think he heard you.”

Taisei stayed where he was for a minute, losing track of time in the way of the impressively drunk. Although Yuudai was probably a few drinks behind Taisei, he didn’t do anything to move him, either. He glanced around the bar in his usual paranoia, and thought absently about the way he could feel Taisei’s breath against his head.

“Another round?” The waitress asked, smiling at them in a way that was suggestive. Yuudai wasn’t even sure _what_ she was suggesting, but he was sure she was suggesting something.

“Yeah!” Taisei said, finally roused from leaning on Yuudai by the prospect of more alcohol.

“You shouldn’t,” Yuudai slurred at him, not quite intelligible. His speech still wasn’t working quite like he wanted it to.

“Why not?” Taisei groaned at him.

“Because,” Yuudai said. He had another moment of realizing, all at once, that Taisei was really, really close to him. “I don’t hate you.”

“What does that have to do with more drinks?”

“Because,” Yuudai said, again. Taisei was so close, smiling so brightly, and Yuudai was horrified to realize that he wanted him to be even closer. That he _was_ closer, and he tried very hard to figure out which one of them was moving, but he thought it might be both of them, or maybe the earth just pushing them towards each other.

“We should,” Yuudai said, knowing that he’d been saying something about drinks and getting them and possibly stopping all of this. “We should – you – “ His voice was hushed, a bare whisper against Taisei’s face. “You. Oh,” Yuudai said, and then they were kissing.

It was the sloppy kiss of the catastrophically drunk, dictated more by the concept of kissing than by anything that actually felt good. Objectively, it was not actually a very good kiss. Taisei started giggling about two seconds into it, which Yuudai could feel in his lips, and he snapped back, “ _What,”_ still without pulling away, which made Taisei laugh harder.

But the kiss still sat warm in Yuudai’s stomach, warmer than any of the alcohol.  His limbs were tingling. He thought he might be smiling.

“You don’t,” Taisei said, and he still hadn’t pulled away and Yuudai could feel the words being spoken into the corner of his lips, and it shouldn’t have been pleasant but was. “You don’t hate me at all.” He sounded so _happy_ about it, as though he were a kid and Yuudai’s tolerance was exactly what he wanted for his birthday.

It was stupid. It was stupid and it was so endearing that Yuudai leaned forward again to kiss him again, so lightly it might have been an accident, before he shifted. He leaned forward and rested his forehead against Taisei’s shoulder, and felt the world spin and his lips tingle with a distant serenity.

“I dn’t hate you at all,” he confirmed, and it was muffled by Taisei’s t-shirt but he was pretty sure Taisei heard him anyways, because he started giggling again.

“…We should go home,” Yuudai added. “Or, you should, I – we’re drunk.” He laughed at himself, at that. “We’re both very drunk.”

“’m happy you’re here,” Taisei said, still mostly draped over Yuudai. _Yes_ , Yuudai wanted to say, _I know you’re happy I’m here, the whole bar knows that, you have the subtlety of a whale_ , but the words didn’t quite want to come out and he liked hearing Taisei say it, anyways.

“C’mon,” Yuudai said, pulling away from Taisei but then pulling at his shoulders to draw them both out of the booth. By some miracle (and very little thanks to Taisei), they somehow both ended up standing, leaning heavily on each other. “C’mon, we – let’s go home.”


End file.
